Absurdities: Halloween Meme

Absurdities is back. Once again, I climb on my soapbox and rail against things that are just absurd.

I'm a bit late with this one, but it still bugs me. The meme below started popping up online in late September. Yikes Friday the 13th and Halloween intersecting? That's some spooky stuff. Unfortunately, there are problems with the facts.

Halloween is never on the 13th. Therefore, it can never be on Friday the 13th.

Halloween has not been around nearly 666 years. While the concept and festivities go back centuries, "Halloween" started much more recently.

Actually, the only thing correct on this meme is the first sentence. "Don't be scared," because none of this is true.

Leave it to social media to spread inaccuracies. I wonder if someone starts this intentionally just to see how far it will go.

Absurdities: Drive Up Mailboxes

Absurdities is a recurring series in which I vent about things I find absurd. It could be called Annoyances, but I try to keep it more light-hearted than outright complaining.

Drive up mailboxes were a good ideas. It provided an easy way to drop off your mail with minimal effort.

Fast forward to more recent times, with mailbox bombs and threats etc., I don't even know why anyone uses drive up or any mailbox. There is also the decline in actual mail lessening the need for any mailboxes.

All that aside, my real problem is ill-prepared people using drive up mailboxes and taking way too long. The point of the drive up mailbox is easy and speed. Most of the time, the situation playes out as a car pulls up to the mailbox. Sometimes the driver puts it in park, which is highly recommended, but I have seen many just braking and then the car starts rolling as they fumble around putting the mail in the slot. Then they must back up.

The real problem though is people parking there and then getting the mail ready. This may take several minutes. The drive up mailbox is not the place to apply a stamp, seal the envelope or any such activity. You should have the mail ready when you pull up to the mailbox. Then it is simply a matter of extending an arm, dropping it in and moving along. That should take about a minute.

Of course, those fumblers are the same people who pull up to a fast food drie through and stare at the menu as if they have never seen it. Just be prepared and make these such lines move smoothly.

Absurdities: Literally

Absurdities is a recurring series in which I vent about things I find absurd. It could also be called annoyances.

Call me the grammar police, but please stop overusing (and incorrectly using) "literally." The definition of literally is "actually; without exaggeration or inaccuracy." 

Unfortunately it is too often thrown around inaccurately. "I've told you that literally a thousand times..." Unless you actually told the person 1,000 times, which is doubtful, do not use literally. If you don't believe me, listen to Weird Al Yankovic in his genius song Word Crimes.

I am even more frustrated that it is becoming acceptable to use "literally" as emphasis and not actuality. I understand language and words change over time, but we are literally (pun intended) losing the English language. It's laziness. There are many other words that can be used if emphasis is needed. Doesn't the wanton use actually make it less meaningful?

My old English teacher Roscoe Lindsey (RIP) would figuratively roll over in his grave at how "literally" is literally becoming meaningless if you don't know if it is factual or fictional.

Absurdities: WNBA Jerseys

 Absurdities is a recurring series in which I feature things I find absurd.

Recently, social media was buzzing after the WNBA draft. Posts were made and shared about Kamilla Cardosa and Angel Reese selling more jerseys than the entire Dallas Cowboys team did last year. That's an amazing statistic for a women's sports league too often criticized, underrated and under-covered. It was also stated about highly-touted Caitlin Clark.

Unfortunately, it is not true. Never let a good story get in the way of facts, though.

According to Fanatics, producer and seller of jerseys, the report was "not true/inaccurate." It took me about 10 seconds on a Google search to find that.

Before I get backlash for being anti-WNBA or anti-women's sports, I am completely the opposite. I have probably been to more women's sports events than men's in my life. I do so as a writer, but I do so voluntarily.

Since I am pro-women's sports, why would I attack this claim? Blatant inaccuracies like these hinder women's sports more than help. Casual observers will applaud this "achievement," yet I doubt many will actually pay more attention to the WNBA. True fans will immediately know the claim is wrong. Then it puts other claims into question. Attendance numbers? TV ratings? 

What is real. Maybe none of it matters anymore. Much like when wrong words (irregardless) are repeated enough, they become accepted as part of the language, even included in dictionaries, this claim has become fact. It might now be fact, but it isn't accurate.

Absurdities: Toghether Sign

I'm back with another absurd thing.

On a recent trip to one of the dollar stores, I saw the sign pictured below. Ahh there's nothing like spending time "toghether," especially around the holidays. lol.

How does that happen? I guess the sign might have been made in a non-English speaking country, but that shouldn't matter. A simple spelling mistake? Yes, but still, how does it happen. This stuff drives me crazy.

Then I started thinking about it. Some people probably bought it without realizing the error. I wonder if they eventually catch it. If they do, do they still keep it in their home?

Another question. If you saw this (or something similar) at someone's place, would you point out the error or just let it go?

Absurdities: Facebook Opt Out

Absurdities is a recurring series in which I point out absurdities I find in life. You don't have to agree with me, but I challenge you to prove me wrong if so. Also, feel free to send me similar absurdities.

If you're on Facebook, you have probably seen some form of the post below. Hopefully, you haven't posted it.

This nonsense has been around for a long time, yet I still see people posting it. The times and charges change, but the basics remain the same and all of it is untrue.

First, payment info is not needed to signup for Facebook. Therefore, how could we be charged?

Second, if you read the many paragraphs in the Terms of Service we all had to check upon signing up for Facebook, they do have the right to use our posts.

Third, copy and pasting this does not upgrade the system. There is not system like that to be upgraded.

This public service announcement is brought to you by me in hopes it prevents at least one more person from posting this absurd notice. Please stop the nonsense.

Absurdities: Memes

Absurdities is a recurring series in which I feature dumb things I see.

Today's absurdity is a generic meme. I've seen it as just text, with pictures and in various forms. Any way it appears, it is still absurd.

The sentiment is positive and good. Keep getting up. Don't let life's punches keep you down.

The problem is simple math. If you get knocked down seven times, you only have to get up seven times. What's with the extra time getting up?

I think it was someone trying to be clever, maybe too clever and the result is absurd. Fall down seven times. Stand up seven times!

Absurdities: Apple Jacks Maze

Absurdities is a recurring series in which I vent about silliness I have found somewhere. I started it to purge myself of the annoyance, but there are so many I can't keep up.

Today's gem comes from an Apple Jacks cereal box. Cereal boxes seem to be a gold mine of insanity. Maybe the makers figure kids just want to have stuff to do, even if it makes no sense. Also, maybe I need to find other things to do while eating cereal.

Anyway, on this particular Apple Jacks box, among the other features on the back was a maze. At first I thought it was just a simple maze for kids. Upon closer inspection, I don't even understand it. It's not really a maze. It's just a bunch of Apple Jacks on a wall with no real path. Am I missing something?

I see a start and a finish, but the middle is where it gets odd. There's no clear route. It leads into a big apple or a line of Apple Jacks.

Much like my thought on the Pumpkin Cheerios game, the makers of Apple Jacks had an entire cereal box back for the game. Maybe they needed to have other stuff on there, which might cut the space down, but even at 25%, there would still be plenty of room for a real maze (simplistic as it still may be).

Because of the Pumpkin Cheerios and the Apple Jacks games, I am calling out cereal makers to step up their work on games. No, I will look for other such insanities on cereal boxes. 

Absurdities: Homescapes

As the title indicated, Absurdities features things I see that are absurd. Today, I feature something beyond absurd. It is morose and in very poor taste.

Homescapes is a game featuring various passageways blocked by pins. The goal is always to remove the pins in such a way to let the contents of the passageways get to the intended goal. I have seen it look like water pipes, gas pipelines and such. I have seen it involve cages or fencing to keep animals away while the main character gets to safety. Then lately, I started seeing today's feature.

An ill woman lies in a hospital bed as a young child (presumably her daughter) looks on scared. The goal is to move the correct pins to allow the medicine to flow, saving the patient.

I'm not overly sensitive, but this strikes me as incredibly macabre and in bad taste. There are plenty of  video games involving soldiers and wars, and those aren't great either, but having a sick woman in a hospital bed depending on you choosing the right pins just seems really crass. Clearly, game creators can come up with better and different scenarios. 

Absurdities: Age Math

Absurdities is a recurring series in which I ramble on about silly things I have seen. It is a series I started as a way to purge myself of the annoyances.

Today's feature is one example of many similar memes I see on social media. This one is particularly maddening.

Read it and follow the logic. In other words, your age added to the year of your birth is equal to this year. Yes, that's how it works. Where is the mysetery or the magic? Yet, I always see shocked responses at the "wonder" of this. It's simple math.

It's also not totally accurate. It works for any year, not just 2019, as the example here. Again, it's simple math, no matter the years involved.

It's also not completely accurate in practice. It only works if your birthday has already occurred in the year. If your birthday is later, this will be one off.

Either one of these facts is enough to make this meme one of the worst I have seen. Yest, I am guessing before the day ends, I will see it again on social media. Maybe now, I will just comment with a link to this to prove it wrong. Then again, I don't really want to get involved in that mess, because someone will undoubtedly still argue the magic of this.

Absurdities: Enlarged To Show Texture

Absurdities is becoming a recurring series featuring things I find absurd. Since the world is "getting more and more absurd," as Elton John once sang, I don't think I'll have any trouble continually finding new material.

Today's feature is not a new one, nor is it exclusive to Cheerios. On the side of tis Cheerios box, a few Cheerios are depicted about the size of quarters. Below this oversized Cheeries is fine print reading "enlarged to show texture."

Thank you for clarifying that. Otherwise, I would have thought I'd only be able to fit 15-20 Cheerios in my breakfast bowl.

Of course, this really comes down to one knucklehead (or perhaps one opportunist). If Cheerios (and others) do not print that disclaimer, someone will write that the picture is misleading. Someone might even sue because it caused emotional distress.

On a related note, maybe it would be cool if Cheerios did create their looped oat bits that size. They could be like mini-oat crackers.

Absurdities: What's Up Dog

When last I delved into absurdities, I questioned whether it would become a series. I quickly realized there are enough absurdities out there to make it a recurring series.

I could go into a rant on the missing comma. I have little tolerance for bad grammar and punctuation on permanent or massed produced consumer goods. Do they not know better before they make something?

Instead though, I will focus on the more absurd aspect. In the lower right corner, it reads "Names can be changed."

The fact that this needed to be included is a scary statement on our society. I would hope the names can be changed. What are the odds of Jack and Jane having a dog named Sophia? That market would be incredibly small.

I should probably applaud the fine folks at What's Up Dog for anticipating the absurd questions and being proactive. Still, even with that note, I am willing to bet people responded with questions about names.

Absurdities: Cheerios Tic-Tac-"O"

I don't know if this will be the first in a recurring series. I just know I had to write about something I found completely absurd. I was very happy to see Pumpkin Cheerios (I refuse to call them Pumpkin Spice Cheerios, but that's another story) back in the grocery stores. I bought several boxes, loading up for a few months worth of pump[kin Cheerios greatness.

While enjoying my first bowl, I looked at the back of the box and found the gem pictured below. General Mills was thoughtful enough to provide entertainment for their customers in addition to the oat cereal in the box. It's too bad the thoughtfulness produced a ridiculous game.

Tic-Tac-"O" is obviously a take off of Connect Four. I would have said Tic-Tac-Toe, but the goal is to get four in a row. My first problem is the playing pieces. One player uses a Cheerio, while the other player bites a Cheerio in half for his piece. Okay, maybe I am being too harsh, but that sounds ridiculous.

Even more ridiculous is the game board itself. It's a 4 squares by 4 squares playing field. How hard will it be to actually place four pieces in a row? Unless one player is completely sleeping, I don't see how this game would ever end in anything but a tie. This is even sillier considering the playing field could have been expanded. They could have easily gone 8x8, maybe even 10x10. Then at least someone would have a chanxce at getting four in a row.

This stuff drives me nuts. It's especially infuriating because I see it every time I attempt to enjoy another bowl of pumpkin Cheerios tastiness.